Monday, January 12, 2015

Leave me be, Self Doubt.

Getting closer to the graduation date should bring me peace and happiness, but at it has brought me is anxiety and self doubt. Don't get me wrong. I am OVER THE MOON happy that I will be seeing Michael, but like I said, I can't really enjoy that excitement because I am constantly feeling anxious and doubting that the I am as prepared as I thought I was two weeks ago.


Today I looked at the calender and I immediately got excited. In less than two weeks, I was going to see my love. But that excitement didn't last long because right after I looked at the calender, I looked that weather for that weekend. Now, I know Chicago has been getting some pretty nasty weather lately, but of course, I didn't think to plan for that. Instead of flying in a day before graduation, I should have bought my ticket two days before in case delays. So that was number one. Number two was I booked my hotel room through a third party website and when checked out, on the confirmation page it said, there is no need to call ahead and confirm your reservation. I said, oh okay, I won't call, but then for some reason, I decided to call and just get that naggin feeling out of my head. When I call, immediately, I am turned off because a rude, loud woman answered the phone and basically yelled, HOLD PLEASE. No, Hi this is so and so hotel, please hold. No, that would be too much to ask for at EIGHT IN THE MORNING. Anyways, I let it go and chalked it up to not having her coffee. So, she gets back on the phone, and say how can I help. I tell her I wanted to just check that my reservation was received for the graduation date and wanted to know if I had to do anything else. She asks for my confirmation number (cutting me off mid-sentence, BTW) and tells me to wait. I let it go, ONCE AGAIN and just wait. She gets back on the phone and says there is nothing here. I tell her what website I booked it from and she basically said there was nothing she could do, if it wasn't in the computer, it didn't exist. That's when I got upset. I went on to say something to the effect of how can it not exist? I paid for it. I have a confirmation. It has to be there somewhere because the money isn't in my account anymore. She says that I needed to talk to the manager, but he wasn't in yet and he wouldn't be until later that day. I get off the phone and the feelings of anxiousness and self doubt encompass me. A million thoughts go through my head at once. What if I can't go? Where am I going to sleep? Can I afford to lose the money I spent on the reservation and get a new one? Did I put in my zipcode in wrong? Again, doubting myself.

About two hours later, I get a call from a Chicago number and think it's Michael so I answer immediately. It wasn't Michael, but it was the next best thing, the manager from the hotel I was staying at. He asks me to explain the situation to him, so I did, leaving out the rude woman, however. He asks for the confirmation number again and tries the computer again, thinking the woman made a mistake. He confirms what she said about it not being there. Then, he asked what website I used. I told him and he made the most magical sound I've ever hear, "AHHHHH." Honestly, I don't think I have ever been more happy to hear someone's vocal chords vibrate. He tells me to hold, that he is going to check something. He comes back and begins to explain to me that the website I use sends the reservations by fax instead of by email and that my reservation was still sitting in the fax machine. I was so happy and relieved. I thanked him a billion times and told him how great he was. He checks the reservation and makes sure everything is correct and told me not to worry, that there will be a room waiting for me.

All in all, it was a stressful morning, but at the end of it, I got through all the bad feelings and tried hard to focus on the feeling of getting to see my love after almost two months.

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