Blurp

I got Michael's package today. I know it's just clothes and his phone, but it made me so happy. Not because I'm crazy or anything, but now I don't have to wait by my house phone all day because Michael can just call his cell and I'll pick it up from anywhere. Anyways, just wanted to share my happy news. Goodnight!

miss you

Today is the fifth day without Michael. I'm starting to miss him a lot more. I keep wanting to pick up the phone and call him and tell him about my day. I'm struggling with not having phone conversations the most, I think. The distance is hard, but I've done it before. I just keep reminding myself "I will see him soon" and I feel better. But not being able to call him or email him or anything, that's what will make this really hard. I want to know he is okay. Not safe okay, but happy okay. This is his first time away from him family, mom or dad, and first time away from me. I know it sounds like he is my kid or something, but I worry. Maybe I'm worrying too much. I don't have any doubt that he can do this, I just have to give him a chance to do it.

**UPDATE.

When I started this piece, it was before I got his mailing address. I still haven't heard from him, but now I can start sending him letter in the hope of in a week or two, he will respond to me. We will have some line of communication after all.

60 seconds

Michael being gone is really starting to settle in. All day today, he's had his phone giving me updates on how he was doing, when he was going to board the plane, when he landed, when he was waiting to be dropped off at RTC, everything, he called me throughout the whole process. Just now, I got the final call basically saying he wont be able to call me or anyone else for at least 2-3 weeks. The call was about one minute and he told me he got there okay, his stuff was being sent to my house, and that he'd call me soon, and all that was great, but I just wanted more. I know he didn't do it on purpose, but like I said, it's just now hitting me that he's really going to be gone for two months with limited contact. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not sitting here and whining and feeling sorry for myself. I mean, I KNOW that there are people in our military who haven't spoken to their loved ones for way longer than two months or haven't seen them for longer than two days and are holding up just fine. But that's not what this is about for me. I am in no way wishing for him to come back, I want him to be there. I'm just having to adjust to our new normal and it's not as easy as I thought it would be. We've been long distance before, but I've never not been able to call him whenever I like. That part is new and I guess I should probably start getting used to it.

In a way, I think it will be good for me. I've always had Michael there for me for the past 3 years non-stop. When we starting dating, it got serious really fast and that's great, I'm happy it did, but it also wasn't so great because I kinda became depended on him. He was my friend, my boyfriend, my party person, my everything. All I had was him, or at least in my mind, all I had was him, and now that he's gone I want to know that I can be okay without him. Not just okay either, I want to thrive while he's gone. He's off making something of his life while I'm here not really doing anything. Going to school has been a big goal for me for a while now and getting started on that process is a really go place to start so I can accomplish that long term goal of getting my degree, but I also want to set up a short-term goal that I can do by the time Michael get's out of RTC. I haven't really decided what yet, but I want it to happen and I want to set it up before the end of this week. Any suggestions? 

For the meantime, I'm just happy he is safe and okay and I am really excited for him to begin this big journey. I'm excited for me to begin my own journey as well. PEACE.